It’s a classic cliché we all hear during the first few days of January. It’s splattered across our Pinterest Inspiration Boards, repeated in countless Facebook statuses with a list of goals to accomplish in the next 365 days, or sprinkled with a hint of sarcasm in Instagram captions with the Lo-Fi filter. In other words, it’s hidden behind a screen and lost most of its meaning, like a lot of things in today’s world.
This year I am determined to make this statement one of fact that is held with honor and credibility.
Life from these filters seems fun, exciting, and enjoyable, but this past year has been one of the hardest of my life. I sat on a dock on January 1, 2015 in Naples (which sounds picturesque, but was really one of the worst “vacations” of my life) and decided my word for 2015: challenge. And what they say is absolutely, and in my case, painfully true: “Be careful what you wish for.”
The idea of choosing a word for the year came from a devotional from the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. With great wisdom, the devotional detailed just how important it is to set goals for ourselves and for a new year. These goals should dare our personal lives, athletic dreams {or otherwise professional}, and most importantly, our relationship with our Heavenly Father. The devotional also gave fair warning. Choosing a word, for example, courage, does NOT mean that God will come down and sprinkle you with a few dosages of courage to face your fears. Instead, choosing this word means you are giving the Lord permission to put you in situations and circumstances in which you build a courageous spirit. Choosing a word is not safe play, it is a risk to grow closer to our Father and the person He is calling us to be.
Although I thought I understood this concept, I must have been naïve… Because I chose the word, challenge. I wanted to challenge myself in my relationships at school and to be a better student. I wanted to challenge myself to be the best dancer and teammate I could be. I wanted to challenge myself to grow in a deeper dependence and trust that Jesus had me and had a “purpose and a plan” for my life.
Wow.
He sure did challenge me in unimaginable ways, maybe in ways I still don’t understand. Personally, I had to let go of a relationship that I knew was getting toxic, yet I held such hope for. Professionally, I walked away from the team I loved, because it was more abusive than fostering my dreams and passions. Spiritually, it has left me on a rollercoaster that I can faithfully say brought me to more trust. And that is only scratching the surface.
My world as I knew it is gone. Vanished completely, and it left my reeling. This past year brought a year of change for me, and I am not one to readily welcome change. I have been through various stages of complete joy, utter despair, uncontrollable laughter, and deepest defeat. I have often asked why? Why is all of this happening?
And at the end of the year, He showed me the answer: my word, challenge.
He would never have let me set out my own challenges and ways I could overcome them in my own strength. He had to bring me to a place of complete humility and an understanding of no control, in order for me to see His Love and His Will.
So this year, I am finally starting to see the fruits of my suffering and I’m being reawakened to a “me” that I used to know. I see pieces of my life being shaped as I am being molded into the person Christ created me to be.
My incredible mom and best friend has always been a ferocious prayer warrior on my behalf {which has always been much needed}. She has spoken to me time and time again, “You are an overcomer”.
So this year, that is exactly who I choose to be. The overcomer. I will face fears, take on new opportunities, and thirst for dreams again. Most importantly, I will continue to press in, grow, and discover the true Love my Creator has for me.
So,
New Year. New Me.
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