Dear Mama,
Today is a Day of Thanks, and I’m most thankful for you. I don’t know that anyone else could ever comprehend the relationship between the two of us, and I feel the gap almost every minute. This is the first official holiday without you, and my heart aches in completely different way. And although I want to melt into this puddle of tears, I’m resting on the ways I’m thankful for you to make me smile and bring me peace in the midst of the pain.
I’m thankful for your smile. It’s inviting- welcoming friends, family, and strangers alike into conversation. We used to joke that the Buddy the Elf quote was written about us (“I just like to smile. Smilings my favorite”), but especially your time at work when everyone used to always ask you why you smiled all the time. I know it was the joy of the Lord in you, but that smile was just a piece of the way you invited people in to be themselves with you.
I’m thankful for your love of a good cup of crushed ice and the ability to make the most refreshing drink. No one makes them like you do, and I’ve noticed myself doing the KC BBQ “pick up”- lift the cup, shake the ice, sip, shake, set it down.
I’m thankful for your love of music, for the way you picked up any utensil to be your conductor’s baton, your consistent effort to learn to play the guitar, and for the way our house was always filled with worship or classical music.
I’m thankful for your stories. You know how to captivate a room with different voices, dramatic pauses, and the perfect one-liners. My favorites are always ones where you talk about your cluelessness- mouth hanging open and eyes-shifting from side to side.
I’m thankful for your fashion sense. You always taught me the importance of a fun accessory or a cute pair of shoes.
I’m thankful for your love of desserts. I’ll never underappreciate the power of a homemade cookie or a slice of cake from Biscotti’s.
I’m thankful for your laugh. That you love to find things to laugh at constantly. That it’s deep and lasting, not short and fleeting. That you find ways to laugh in a dog, a friend, a movie we’ve seen 100 times, and in yourself.
I’m thankful for your friendship. There were many seasons of life in which you were my one and only friend. You listened intently, prayed constantly, supported me fiercely, and challenged me rightfully. You picked up every phone call and cried with me when my heart broke. You made me feel seen, known, understood, and completely loved. I’ll never know another like it.
I’m thankful that you made our house a home rooted in the Lord. You had a Bible placed in the foundation as it was built. You invited people to pray over the walls. But when people walked through our doors, they met Jesus. There was worship music playing, your tattered Bible laid open on the counter, and a spot on the couch to talk about what was going on in life. There were evenings of Shabbat dinners, nights of worship and prayer, and overall, our home was the place where people saw the practicality of living a life with the Lord.
I’m thankful for your relationship with Jesus. At 9 years old, I remember coming into your bedroom in that apartment and saying, “I want to know Him like you know Him”. You spent your life teaching me what it looked like to follow Jesus more in actions than in words. You modeled what it looked like to take grief and disappointments to the cross, but also how to praise Him for the big and small answers to prayer. You taught me to always take it back to the Word, and you taught me to pray FIRST. I know who I am in Him, because of you.
I’m thankful you’re my mama, and I’m thankful I will see you again one day. I love you to the moon and back a million times.
xox
your elle belle
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