What do you do when you receive the worst new you could imagine? When the words you heard make your spine shiver and every muscle go limp? How do you move forward when the impossible fears hidden in the depths of your mind are not only possible- but reality?
Now, what?
These questions hit me across the face on Monday November 26th. The echoes of devastating reports and heart shattering disbelief throbbed in my head for hours on end. Even the skies cried that day. I’m not sure which puddles were deeper- those created from raindrops or teardrops.
About a week before, we received news that mom’s pet scans revealed the cancer had both grown and spread. We spent that week of Thanksgiving surrounded by family and friends, celebrating the quality time spent with one another, all while trying to ignore the unknown of what comes next. We prayed and talked to one another about our response to whatever treatment plan the doctors would lay before us in the coming week. I caught myself wondering which was worse- knowing or not knowing.
That question confronted me on November the 26th when we knew- there is nothing more the doctors can do. Based on her scans and their protocol, she was released from treatment and provided information and resources on how to be most comfortable for the next stages. Even writing these words makes me physically sick and angry that they could give up. As a family of four, we wept and sat with a loss for words. We prayed and declared that the Lord Almighty has command over all of this, and we asked again for the miracle we desperately need.
My mom, dad, and I {as Mary Claire is still in school} tried to take a break from the tears to eat. As we pulled up to the restaurant, my dad got out to get us a table, and my mom and I waited in the car for a break in the rain. My mom asked, “do you think it’s going to get worse before it gets better?” We both giggled and then sighed as we realized how poignant her simple inquiry was- not only of the downpour but of the storm that lie before us.
We’ve had more than our fair share of disappointing news over the last 18 months, but this one crushed me completely. The sobs involuntarily escaped me, and there wasn’t enough water to stop the headache from the lack of dehydration. For days, I stared blankly with a million fears running through my mind. The only thing I knew to do was to keep turning to scripture to give me a sense of relief from the reality of suffering.
Over the next week of crying to God, seeking wise people rooted in the Word, and reading my notes in my journal, I was reminded of the difference between news and truth. It’s a lesson the Lord has taught me over the last year as I ask for His help, and it’s been echoed in this talk by Pastor Albert Tate and in Lysa TerKeurst’s incredible book “It’s Not Supposed to be This Way”.
News is what the doctors shared with us: This is aggressive and incurable. There is nothing more they can do. Enjoy life and try to be comfortable for the next few months.
We can’t refute their reports. We can’t ignore the gravity of disease. My mom feels the pain physically, and we all feel the weariness emotionally.
But, we fight with Truth.
The Truth is Jesus heals. He is the author of our Faith, and He numbers our days. He’s spoken over this season to me in verses like…
- Psalm 24:4
- Psalm 27:13
- Psalm 33:16-22
- Psalm 41:1-3
- Psalm 112:6-8
- Psalm 118
- John 11:4
- Isaiah 38
- Hebrews 10: 23
- Romans 8:11
- 2 Corinthians 1: 3-11
and so on…
In each one of these verses, the Word speaks of healing and the testimony to come. I believe that wholeheartedly!! And even when I have my doubts, I can look back on His Faithfulness over my life and trust that He is good, and His Word is true.
So, what do you do with the worst news you can imagine?
You tell it the Truth.
The Truth is that the doctors can’t pull the sun to rise each morning or cease the pouring showers. Who does? My God. So if there is hope for a new day and bright sunshine after the storm, I know there is hope for healing by the God who does what He says He’ll do.
My mom named me after Elisabeth Elliott, whose life pours out grace as her tragedy was transformed by the greater call of the Gospel. In her book “A Path Through Suffering”, she writes, “The suffering of our Savior proved the reality of His love for His Father. The world still needs to be shown that there are those who, no matter what the circumstances, will, for love of Him, do exactly what God commands. The end He has in view is a glorious one. We can fully count on that, as we can count on the naked woods one day exploding into a glory of blossom.”
I can’t understand this news. None of it seems fair. I need my mom more than I know how to express. But I also know “that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” {Romans 8:28}. I trust that the same God who created my mom, designed the galaxies, and sav
ed me from myself and eternal separation will keep His promises. One day we will see His Glory all over the pain we endured.
Elisabeth continues, “Shall we not follow the Master in suffering as in everything else, sharing with Him in His work, that the world and the devils themselves may be shown in this last decade of the millennium that we love the Father and will do just what He says? The world does not want to be told. The world must be shown- shown the very guts of faith.”
I’m praying our family will be one that is marked by showing the guts of faith. I’m 
praying that we would have the faith to trust that no matter the news, our Sovereign Savior is in control, and He loves us. We are completely dependent on Him alone to do the work He’s promised- to heal my mom. We need a miracle, and we know He is beyond capable “to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” {Esphesians 3:20}. His Glory out of this story is coming- I can feel it.
Will you join us in prayer? And if you feel lead by the Father, join me and a few family members in fasting on Mondays, as we humble ourselves before the Lord asking that the healing will come soon.
xox
ellie
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