The Ripple Effect

I promise these are words I never imagined I would write.  I’ve kept the faith, hoped against all hope, and believed that God could do the miracle I believed He promised even after my mom took her last breaths.  I’m in pain but can take comfort in the fact that she’s home.  Because of Jesus’s death and resurrection, I will be in her arms again one day.

Words have failed me on many occasions these days, but I want to share what I spoke at my mom’s memorial service.  Here is my tribute in writing:

Two bodies.  One brain.  That’s the phrase my mom and I have always used to describe ourselves. If you’ve spent about 5 minutes with us, you understand why.  I remember a specific moment at a doctor’s appointment, when the nurse asked us a question and we responded with the same sentence, the same head tilt, the same tone of voice, and the same smile.  The nurse laughed, but also probably found it a little scary.

The two of us share so much. We both are shy when you first meet us. We are passionate about picking out the perfect dessert.  We can sit in the car for hours talking to a treasured friend. We love to captivate people with a funny story complete with accents and facial expressions, and we both have very large feet that are disproportional to our height and the length of our legs.  We always joke that it just means we’re VERY grounded people.

But most of the traits we share are those I’ve learned from watching and learning from my mom’s walk with Jesus.  My mom has the most gracious heart.  She listens first without judgment.  She serves well, always putting the needs of others before her own.  She speaks with wisdom, because she’s leaned on the Lord to walk her through countless trials.  My mom is humble, always asking Jesus to search her heart for any error.  She perseveres when circumstances are trying. She always opens her home and welcomes everyone with open arms. When entering ministry, she wrote her mission statement as this, “To Know Him and To Make Him Known”.  My mom spent her life on earth reading the Word, talking to Jesus, worshipping, and praying with friends in order to further discover the heart of her Savior. Her close proximity to Him and her complete obedience to His Will made Christ known to the world around her- even if people didn’t realize who they were really encountering.  After spending time with my mom, I know that I, as well as many people, left feeling like they had encountered the very presence of Jesus. It’s my hope to embody these traits of my mom as evidence of walking closely with Christ.

The last week has been absolutely agonizing.  I’ve dealt with the disappointment that I didn’t see the miracle of healing that I SO believed was coming.  I’ve cried over the moments and events that have yet to occur that she will not physically be present for, and I’ve missed the ability to talk to my best friend. But one of the things I’ve wrestled with most is the change of tense.  Within an hour, people went from talking about who my mom is and what she loves, to who she was and what she loved.  It’s felt like an ending, and it’s broken me in a thousand ways.

So I did what my mom always did.  I followed the advice of our babysitter and one of her spiritual mentors, Miss Janie Jenkins.  I took it to the water.

Picture a rain drop as it falls onto another body of water.  You can see the way it falls, the dent it makes in the surface, and the effect it creates as the ripples move outward.  You may not be able to trace the original drop in the larger pool, but it’s presence makes an effect.

That’s what I see of my mom. She’s still making ripple effects. I see her in my dad- the way he wants to live a life of purpose.  He wants to serve others, especially our family, but He wants to serve Jesus.  I see her in my sister Mary Claire- her incredible joy and the way she likes to sing a random and funny song.  I see her in my friends- because their very presence and the way they serve me are evidence of her answered prayers.  I see her in her siblings and our family- the way they are compassionate and completely supportive of one another.  I see her in her closest friends- the way that they pray unceasingly for me and my family.  I see her everywhere, and my love and gratitude for my mom knows no ending.  I can continue to refer to my mom in the present tense, because I know I will still see ripple effects of her life on earth on a daily basis.  We’ve added a card inside your program, and it would mean the world to me and my family if you would write your favorite memory of my mom or the ripple effect she’s left in your life. {If you’re reading this and want to send a card but don’t have one, please reach out!}

I’ve noticed in the last few years that there are two descriptions that always join with the name Jane Boline- she’s sweet and has the most radiant smile.  I believe people recognize her sweetness as her gratitude for all that Jesus has done for her, and I think her smile is the outside evidence that the joy of the Lord is her strength.  Lately, these are the same two traits people graciously use in reference to me. During what will be the hardest days, it is my honor to carry on these qualities even as I miss her every second on this side of eternity.  I’m shattered with so many questions, but I’ll continue to walk in the faithfulness modeled by my mom.  I know what Jesus did for me on the cross of Calvary. I know that His death on that cross bought my mom life in Heaven for eternity.  I know that His sacrifice means one day I will reunite with my very best friend.  I know that having Jane Boline as my mama is the greatest gift He gave me apart from salvation.

In the days of grief and uncertainty that follow, I will repeat her favorite verse over and over and over again

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths”

Proverbs 3: 5-6

I love you mama, and I miss you more than words can describe.  But I’m thankful that your life will leave ripple effects here on earth and that your faithfulness has led so many to their Heavenly Father.

xox

ellie